Dear Charlie, we are just two days away from your 5th birthday, where has that time gone. This year would have marked your first year at school, your first nativity, your first sports day. I’m sure by now Harry would have had you playing football and training you up to be as great as he is. I imagine Lottie would have got you into all sorts of fun outdoor adventures, and Molly would just be wandering around getting into all your games and toys. This year we have your other baby sister celebrating with us.
Emmie is just 20 weeks old. I’m sure she is another gift from you. We were so very lucky when Emmie was born, she gave us a little scare and had to have a Sepsis screen at just a couple of hours old, it was reassuring to know all these changes and how the staff reacted were made following the lessons learnt in your death. Whilst we sat in the hospital room waiting for news from the neonatal unit, a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky, was that your sign that you were there and watching over her. Luckily Emmie was fine, the staff were amazing. Harry noticed when Emmie was a couple of weeks old that her belly button is the shape of a ‘c’, he said it’s a gift from you. It’s funny all the little things we cling to and cherish that thought that you are there and still watching and playing your part in our lives. It was discovered when Emmie was 6weeks old she has hip dysplasia, both hips affected, so we have been having regular trips to the hospital for physio and hip scans. Emmie has had to wear a harness since 6 weeks of age, the last two weeks she has only worn it at night, we got the amazing news she could come out of her harness full time on Saturday. A normal day to some but your birthday, is this another gift to us from you?
With your birthday fast approaching, I wanted to do something a bit fun, something a little boy of five would like, to celebrate the short but loved life you had. I will again be donating to Aching arms charity, where a bear will be donated in your memory to another bereaved family, this is something me and Daddy will do every year, it gives us a little bit of comfort knowing bears in your memory will comfort others. So back to this year, we have decided to share little acts of random kindness, there will be five gifts, as it is your 5th birthday, and as a family we will place them in little places around where we live for others to find, and bring a little smile to others. I will post photos and more details on the day, a day to celebrate the amazing little boy we had but couldn’t keep.
This year is a bit like five years ago Charlie, so I am finding it a bit harder, you were born on a Saturday, and died on the Sunday. This year we will smile, and be thankful for the short time we had with you, thankful that our legal case is over, thankful for your brother and sisters we are lucky to have with us on earth. Most of all I promise this year I will spend Saturday smiling at your memory, the cuddles, the smell of your baby soft skin, long finger nails, soft fluff of hair and the amazing entry into this world you made, so quick, so unexpected and amazingly on your due date. Shine down on us Saturday Charlie, I love you so very much, and I miss you every single day. I cannot wait for the day I get to hold you in my arms and sing you happy birthday.
Lots of love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxx